ever noticed......

ever noticed that you only notice that something a part of you is missing only once you have lost it?
i was so foolish to let an important part of me go..
if only i never let it go. i wouldn't be in such depression.. it's one of the worst depressions i've ever had.
you said, i shouldn't let that happen, but how can't it not?
..... it's so hard to move on, since i need one, miss one, ache and cry over one, loved one, want one, i want
it back.. i should never have been such a fool to let it happen.
i'm so hollow.. i'm so hollow babeah............... :(
i'm trying to do what you asked me to, believe me i'm trying..
i hope you're happy. because i'm obviously not..
i let you down......... and i am so down.........
my smiles aren't the same anymore. not without you..
i'm such a fool!!!!!!!!!
why did i have to do that????????
i'm so mad at myself for only realizing how important you were to me.
now i don't think i can have it back anymore............
i'm different without you.
i don't even know who you are, who i am anymore.........even though i have been in this place before.
but it's lonelier and darker and scarier, and so painful........
oh just rip my heart out will you?! make it stop!!
i must've loved you.......... otherwise i wouldn't feel this bad..
i miss you..
but......i'm trying to let you go :(
especially to the girl who has you now.........
i have evil and selfish thoughts, but you can kiss my ass for that..
i can't help it!
usually i would go for something i want and need.. you out of all the people should kind of know that!
how could you not?
but...... i suppose i'm gonna have to let you walk away from me.
but as you move on, remember me, remember us, and remember what we used to be
(coz i can't stop, everything and everywhere i go reminds me of you)
so maybe it is good that i'm going to sydney..
because, then.....only everything will remind me of you..
this song - goodbye my lover pretty much is suitable for what i feel.......i suppose..
you cry to it, so do i........

you have been the one for me.................and i only realized it now, when it's too late?
oh god, i hope not.. :(

FACE IT JAZZ!! MOVE ON DAMN IT!!!!!!! MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so pissed, angry, raged, feel betrayed, upset, mad, sad, depressed, heart broken, hollow, stupid, foolish,
nervous, weak and all those things.............

face it..........
he's gone :( - one has walked out on me.. even if i was the one who set the falling trap..
but perhaps i put it on the wrong spot in the first place. i'm such a fool..

forgive me babeah, i'm sorry..

goodbye my lover.. (8) let the music heal your soul.. (8)

I know that I wasn't fair to you,
I just wish I could have been.
I know I should have treated you better and I wish I did.
I don't even know why I'm so stupid to let you go.
Maybe I should find someone who is just like you...
A good basketball player, caring and good looking.
So that I could miss him just as much as I miss you now! (and always missed you..)
I'm sorry I dumped you.
I wish I thought about it more through.
Wish could take it back.
and we'd STILL BE TOGETHER...!!

29.05.2006
by Jazzy

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(8) goodbye my lover (8)............
i'm soo..hollow..soo hollow..i'm soo hollow babeah (8).....................

I lost my pumpkin, have you seen it?
I want my pumpkin back! so i can put it next to peachez!
..... but it's not going to happen huh? :(
.....not now anyways! :(
.......but i'm still hoping. that's all i can do now. :(

-------

i gained a stomach,
i lost the extra, had it back to normal because of starvation
came back, i gained a stomach again,
guess what? i lost the extra again.......... hopefully it won't overdo......
until bones.

--------

about the previous post

the heart broken doodle, it decided to come alive.
oh it's showing itself.. it's being very open.
trying to pick up the bits and pieces one by one. it takes patience.
1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10.........
oh so many bits and pieces dropped onto the ground. please help me pick them up again.
maybe some day it may be glued back together, hopefully soon.......
but it may not be as good as before......... it already was wounded before........
now it just shattered into more pieces..
where is piece 11? stitching with pain.
hope it gets better in time..
right now, spills are leaking.. HELP ME FIND MY -PIECES OF ME-!!~~
i know, i know, i'm the only one who can fix it, but at least you could help me find them
and gather them with me.......

signing out,

**jazzy**